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Sophia Campbell

Sophia Campbell

Coaches jump head first out of school windows after UIL alignments released

Coaches jump head first out of school windows after UIL alignments released

Following the recent realignment announced by the University Scholastic League (UIL), high school coaches across Texas have been seen taking drastic measures to cope with their new district assignments. Reports have flooded in of coaches leaping out of windows headfirst, lining up at alcohol stores, and filing for divorce upon

Red 40 and yellow 5 dyes are directly correlated with team performance

Red 40 and yellow 5 dyes are directly correlated with team performance

Tucson, Arizona | A groundbreaking study from the Food Processed Performance Center (FPPC) has emerged, suggesting a strong correlation between food dyes Red 40 and Yellow 5 and sports performance. As athletes across the nation gulp down their fluorescent beverages and munch on artificially colored snacks, the sports world finds itself

Texas High School Soccer season intentionally placed in the winter as punishment

Texas High School Soccer season intentionally placed in the winter as punishment

Austin, Texas | In a bold move that left players and parents shivering with disbelief, the esteemed University Scholastic League (UIL) has continued to place the soccer season right smack in the coldest part of the year. Ignoring frozen pleas for common sense and a modicum of compassion, UIL officials claim

Family thankful for firing of Head Football coach over Thanksgiving table

Family thankful for firing of Head Football coach over Thanksgiving table

The Thompson family gathered around their dining table not only to give thanks for the usual blessings but also to celebrate the firing of their local high school football coach. The Thompsons, known for their die-hard support of the team, have apparently had enough of the coach's questionable

Bathrooms in schools are returning to their normal use

Bathrooms in schools are returning to their normal use

Everywhere, USA | Coaches across the nation are rejoicing as school bathrooms have returned to their proper use instead of hubs for fights, drugs, hookups, and wild parties. The eradication of such illicit activities has given coaches more time to focus on their actual coaching responsibilities. This newfound tranquility has left

Youth clubs hold "signing days" to prepare kids for disappointment of going pro later in life

Youth clubs hold "signing days" to prepare kids for disappointment of going pro later in life

Everywhere, USA - Youth sports clubs across the nation have embraced the latest trend of holding "Signing Days" to showcase the signing of new athletes, some as young as six-years-old to their teams. Yes, you read that right – mini athletes are now sitting at a table adorned as