Local school district asks for kidney donations to fund new stadium

Los Angeles, California | In a stunning move the Oakwood School District recently made a proposal to solicit kidney donations to finance a state-of-the-art sports stadium for their high school. While the idea seemed preposterous to many, it was further escalated when a board member floated the notion of selling these donated organs on the black market for additional profits.

During the contentious meeting, School Board President, Mr. John Highbrow, casually suggested, "We all know kidneys are in high demand. Why not take advantage of this opportunity to solve our funding crisis? We could easily secure the necessary funds for our sports stadium by selling numerous kidneys on the black market for ten times the current price, if necessary. It's a win-win situation for our kids and the community"

The proposal was met with uproar and disbelief from the audience. However, Dr. Stronghand, a local physician and self-proclaimed expert on kidney health, tried to allay concerns by stating, "Living with only one kidney is safe and leads to a perfectly normal life. It's why god gave you two of these organs, so you can donate one of them in a time of need.”

While Dr. Stronghand's words may have been reassuring to some, the notion of sacrificing a vital organ for a sports facility is still a tough pill to swallow for many residents. However, there are some who are fully onboard with the idea, such as enthusiastic parent, Mrs. Jane Renal, who passionately exclaimed, "If donating a kidney means my son gets to play his favorite sport in a big, shiny stadium, then I'm all for it! Sacrifices must be made for the love of the game."

In an attempt to gauge the national interest in such a fundraising method, we reached out to a representative from a prominent news organization, who claimed, "While the Oakwood School District's proposal may seem extreme, we have received reports of similar ideas being considered in school districts across the country. Desperate times call for desperate measures, it seems."

However, not everyone is so keen on donating their kidneys to fulfill the district's grandiose dream. Concerned mother and PTA member, Mrs. Lily Resistor, launched a petition to stop this outrageous plan in its tracks. Mrs. Resistor declared, "It's absurd to expect parents and community members to give up their organs for the sake of a sports stadium. We should be prioritizing our children's education, not treating their bodies like bargaining chips!"

As the community grapples with this mind-boggling proposal, it remains to be seen if the Oakwood School District will proceed with their plan or reconsider in the face of mounting opposition. One thing is for certain: this kidney-driven fundraising approach has thrust this small town into the national spotlight, leaving citizens across the country contemplating the lengths to which schools will go for their beloved sports programs.