UIL considering weight restrictions for high school coaches

Austin, Texas | In an effort to level the playing field, the Texas University Scholastic League (UIL) has announced a new policy requiring high school coaches to adhere to a strict weight limit. The policy, which will take effect in the upcoming school year, aims to address concerns about the physical health that some coaches have over others, and the impact having a healthy coach has on young athletes.

According to the new policy, high school coaches will be required to undergo a BMI test or weigh no more than 200 pounds. Those who exceed the weight limit will be subject to penalties, including fines and suspension from coaching duties. Male coaches with large breasts, tires around their waste or have legs as arms will be required to undergo medical procedures to keep their employment.

The announcement has drawn mixed reactions from coaches across the state, with some expressing support for the policy while others are outraged.

"This is going to be devastating for our football staff. We already have coaching shortages, how am I going to find coaches? I'm a tall skinny guy, so this new policy doesn't really affect me," said Coach John Smith, who stands at 6'4 190 pounds. "But I know some of my colleagues who aren’t happy about it. They feel like they're being unfairly targeted."

On the other hand, Coach Maria Gonzalez, who stands at 5'2, sees the policy as a step towards fairness. "I've always felt like heavier coaches have an advantage when it comes to certain positions. They always have restroom duty on test days, and are allowed to be late to meetings so they can buy their route 44 cokes in the morning," she said. "Now we'll all be on a level playing field."

A spokesperson for the UIL defended the new policy, saying it was necessary to ensure fairness in high school sports. "Coaches play a crucial role in the success of their teams, and we want to make sure that every coach has an equal chance to succeed," the spokesperson said. "The weight limit is just one of the measures we're taking to achieve that goal."

The spokesperson also emphasized that the UIL was not targeting any particular group of coaches. "This policy applies to all belt lines coaches, regardless of their height or body type," they said. "We're simply trying to promote fairness and equity in high school sports."

While the UIL's intentions may be noble, the weight restriction policy has left many coaches scratching their heads. "I don't see how my weight has anything to do with my ability to coach," said Coach Tim Johnson, who stands at 5'10 and weighs 220 pounds. "It's just ridiculous."

Only time will tell how the weight restriction policy will impact high school sports in Texas. But for now, coaches are left to wonder if they'll have to hit the gym or cut back on the BBQ to meet the new requirements.